The Pamphleteer |
|
|
During colonial times in America, if you wanted to convince or inform people about some issue that you considered important, you went to the local printer and got some pamphlets printed. You then handed them out, read them to anybody that was interested, nailed them to the town bulletin board, or the nearest tree.
The first amendment was specifically written to protect this type of activity and the writers or "pamphleteers".
Who Links Here
Links
NewsWeb FriendsFunInterestingThe Republican National Convention Bloggers
|
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
JUST SOME THOUGHTS... This is why this election is so important: Faces of the Fallen This is a collection by the Washington Post of information about each U.S. service member who died in Iraq. Source: Refdesk Read this article: Can Markets Predict Elections? ______________________________________ Then check Iowa Electronic Markets As of August 31st, 2004: President Bush - 54.4 Senator Kerry - 45.9 ______________________________________ After that, look at Intrade As of August 31st, 2004 President Bush - 58.0 Senator Kerry - 43.0 A Letter From Rudolph W. Giuliani: Strength, Determination and Resolve Dear Patrick, Last night, in Madison Square Garden, I took the stage at the Republican National Convention to speak to America about the threats we face in the world, the events we have been through together over the last three years, and the clear, steady leadership of President George W. Bush that has guided us through these difficult times. Millions of Americans tuned their TVs to convention coverage last night and heard my words. And many more will hear the words of others who will come before our convention. They will hear our story. Will you help us tell the story to those who don't tune in? www.GeorgeWBush.com/Rudy President Bush has been the steady hand we need in these times of uncertainty and danger. He understands the stakes. He makes decisions based on deeply held beliefs, not the political winds. He chooses to fight terror in places like Baghdad and Kabul, rather than New York and Kansas. It is the right way to fight this enemy and it is a fight we must win. In order to keep the pressure on al-Qaeda, we must keep George W. Bush in the White House. In order to take the fight to our enemies, we must have the strength of conviction, and support for our Armed Forces. This is not a fight for those who talk tough, and then leave our troops unarmed. This is not a fight for those who talk about the need for better intelligence, but have a history of voting against it. This is not a fight that favors sensitivity and nuance. This is a fight that requires strength, determination and resolve. Will you help ensure this fight is won by contributing $1000, $500, $250, $100 or even $50 to the President's campaign? www.GeorgeWBush.com/Rudy I hope I can count on you to help me tell this story. As you watch the convention tonight, you will know that you have helped us reach millions that may not be watching. You have spread the message to those who may not watch, but need to know. You will make the difference. Sincerely, s/ Rudy Giuliani P.S. When I addressed the convention last night, millions watched, but millions more did not. Will you help ensure my words reach those who did not hear them firsthand? Please contribute $1,000, $500, $250, $100, or even $50 at www.GeorgeWBush.com/Rudy. WHY IS IT THAT WE HAVE TO SPEAK ENGLISH? (From John, our correspondent in Narrowsburg.) An officer in the U.S. Naval reserve was attending a conference that included admirals from both the U.S. Navy and the French Navy. At a cocktail reception, he found himself in a small group that included personnel from both navies. The French admiral started complaining that whereas Europeans learned many languages, Americans learned only English. He then asked: "Why is it that we have to speak English in these conferences rather than you speak French?" Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied: "Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you would not have to speak German." The group became silent. Irish Confession (From Pamela, our correspondent in Bay Ridge.) "Bless me father-- for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?" "Yes, Father, it is. "And, who was the woman you were with?" "Sure and I can't be tellin' you Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?" "I cannot say." "Was it Patricia Kelly?" "I cannot say." "Was it Liz Shannon?" "I'm sorry, but I cannot name her." "Was it Cathy Morgan?" "My lips are sealed." "Was it Fiona McDonald, then?" "Please, Father, I cannot tell you." The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend church mass for three full months. Be off with you now!" Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over to his seat and whispers "well... what'd you get?" "Three months vacation and five good leads." Monday, August 30, 2004
Read this article: Can Markets Predict Elections? ______________________________________ Then check Iowa Electronic Markets As of August 30th, 2004: President Bush - 54.9 Senator Kerry - 45.4 ______________________________________ After that, look at Intrade As of August 30th, 2004 President Bush - 57.6 Senator Kerry - 43.8 JUST SOME THOUGHTS... Now that the Convention has started, let's look at one of the reasons that the re-election of President Bush is important: What John Kerry Says... And What He Actually Did It settles the argument as which man is better in a crisis. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Let's not forget these stories: John Kerry has been touting Bob Kerrey's resume "by mistake"; It appears as if Kerry's condemning of the MoveOn.Org ad was a set up; And a majority of Democrats place some blame on America for 9-11; ------------------------------------------------------------------- Sally over at The Daily Recycler has this story: A Kerry Swing Voter ------------------------------------------------------------------- A LETTER FROM SENATOR ZELL MILLER, KEYNOTE SPEAKER AT THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION Dear Patrick, I'm a Democrat. I went to my first political convention in 1972 as a Scoop Jackson Democrat - pro defense. Twelve years ago, I left my home in the mountains of North Georgia on a trip to New York. That trip culminated with a keynote address to the National Convention of a political party. But despite my Georgia roots, and despite my conservative beliefs, it was not the Republican National Convention, it was the Democrats. In just two days, I will speak again in New York, but this time the party is the Republicans, and this time the candidate is George W. Bush. While much has changed in the last 12 years, my Party has not. I'm still a Democrat, and I support the President. Will you show your support? Will you contribute at www.GeorgeWBush.com/ZellMiller I have been asked many times why I, and so many other Democrats, support President Bush. The answer is simple - he is the right man to lead our nation at this time. I have also been asked why I don't support John Kerry. That answer is also simple - you can't make a chicken swim and you can't make John Kerry anything but an out-of-touch ultra liberal from Massachusetts. The Democratic Party today has drifted far, far to the left and they have become completely beholden to the various left-leaning, liberal special interest groups for whom they depend upon for money and for manpower. I choose instead to support the President. Will you join me? Will you give $1,000, $500, $250, $100, or even $50 to help the President's campaign? www.GeorgeWBush.com/ZellMiller There are many Democrats like me, Democrats who believe in a strong military, and giving our military what it needs to get the job done. When the Democrats met in Boston, they talked a lot about John Kerry's service in Vietnam, but barely even mentioned his 20 years in the Senate. Let me say as clearly as I can, what Lieutenant John Kerry did in Vietnam, is to be praised, and we should thank him for it every day, but not his shameful record on national defense as a U.S. Senator. And not for voting to send our troops to war, but against the $87 billion to give them the equipment to fight that war. I am honored to be speaking in New York, and I am proud to be a Democrat. Mostly, I am proud to support President George W Bush. I hope you will join me. www.GeorgeWBush.com/ZellMiller Sincerely, S/ Sen. Zell Miller D-Georgia Insider Report from NewsMax.com Headlines (Click here for complete stories): 1. Families of POWs Frightened By Kerry 2. Replacing Cheney? 3. Rudy Giuliani Prepares for Presidential Run 4. Paul Johnson on Michael Moore vs. George Bush 5. Company Fires Employee for Eating BLT Why Some People Aren't Democrats (From Dan, our correspondent in the Commonwealth of Taxachusetts.) If you don't understand the Democrats' version of tax cuts (and you are not alone), maybe this will help explain it for you: 50,000 people go to an Oakland A's baseball game, but the game was rained out. A refund was then due. The team was about to mail refunds when the Congressional Democrats stopped them and suggested that they send out refund amounts based on the Democrat National Committee's interpretation of fairness. After all, if the refunds were made based on the price each person paid for the tickets, most of the money would go to the ticket holders of the most expensive tickets. That would be unconscionable. People in the $10 seats will get back $15, because they have less money to spend. Call it an "Earned" Income Ticket Credit." Persons "earn" it by demonstrating little ambition, few skills and poor work habits, thus keeping them at entry-level wages. People in the $25 seats will get back $25, because that's only fair. People in the $50 seats will get back $1, because they already make a lot of money and don't need a refund. If they can afford a $50 ticket, then they must not be paying enough taxes. People in the $75 luxury seats will have to pay another $50, because they have way too much to spend. The people driving (or walking) by the stadium who couldn't afford to watch the game will get $10 each, even though they didn't pay anything in, because they need the most help. Now do you understand? If not, contact Representative Richard Gephardt, Senator Tom Daschle or Senator Hillary Clinton for assistance. At the Pearly Gates... (From Pamela, Marian, and many other really nice liberals.) Albert Einstein dies and goes to Heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove you're Albert Einstein?" Einstein ponders for a few seconds and then asks, "Can I have a blackboard and some chalk?". Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe, in arcane mathematics and symbols, his theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really are Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!" The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials. Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead." Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk. Saint Peter claps. "You are definitely the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!" Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?" George Bush looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?" Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George." (Editor's note: What the liberals missed, is that George W. Bush is going to heaven.) IMPORTANT HEALTH INFORMATION (From Mal, our Left Coast correspondent.) Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass, a green leafy vegetable. And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop. Q: Is beer or wine bad for me? A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal or mineral, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your vegetables. Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have the weight of two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc., Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good. Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? HELLO ... Cocoa beans .. another vegetable!!! "It's the best feel-good food around!" Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food , exercise, and diets. Have a cookie... One more thing... "When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt." It's Almost September, Let's Recap (From Dan, our correspondent in the Commonwealth of Taxachusetts.) You all had such high hopes ... sigh. When will you ever learn? Q: What do you call 25 people sitting around a TV watching the World Series? A: The Red Sox. Q: What do the Boston Red Sox and Aaron Boone have in common? A: The both can make 55,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ." Q: How do you keep a Red Sox fan out of your yard? A: Put up yet another American League Pennant. Q: Where do you go in Boston in case of a tornado? A: To the bullpens at Fenway - they never hit a home run there! Q: What do you call a Red Sox player with a World Series ring? A: A thief. Q: Why doesn't Cambridge have a professional baseball team? A: Because then Boston would want one. Q: Why was Pedro Martinez upset when the Red Sox play book was stolen? A: Because he hadn't finished coloring it. Q: What's the difference between the Pedro Martinez and the grass at Fenway Park? A: The grass is there all season. Q: What's the difference between the grass at Fenway and Manny Ramirez? A: The grass is there every day. Q: How do the Red Sox count to 10? A: 0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4, 0-5, 0-6, 0-7, 0-8, 0-9, 0-10 Q: How many Red Sox players does it take to win a World Series? A: Nobody knows and we may never find out. Q: What do the Red Sox and possums have in common? A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road! Sunday, August 29, 2004
Read this article: Can Markets Predict Elections? ______________________________________ Then check Iowa Electronic Markets As of August 29th, 2004: President Bush - 53.0 Senator Kerry - 47.6 ______________________________________ After that, look at Intrade As of August 29th, 2004 President Bush - 57.5 Senator Kerry - 43.0 Saturday, August 28, 2004
Read this article: Can Markets Predict Elections? ______________________________________ Then check Iowa Electronic Markets As of August 28th, 2004: President Bush - 54.5 Senator Kerry - 45.6 ______________________________________ After that, look at Intrade As of August 28th, 2004 President Bush - 55.9 Senator Kerry - 44.0 JUST SOME THOUGHTS... Now that the long awaited Republican Convention starts this coming Monday, let's look at some of the other stories around, in no particular order of importance: ------------------------------------------------------------------- Anarchists are threatening to disrupt NYC with violent tactics. (See here.) A word of advice: Dont mess with the NYC Police Department. They're called the New York Finest for some very good reasons. (More here.) ------------------------------------------------------------------- New Swift Boat Vets Ad: Kerry Never in Cambodia Why aren't we surprised? ------------------------------------------------------------------- NYCforBush.com No, really, these people exist and some of their events are a real hoot. Think of them as the equivalent of the French Underground in Nazi occupied France. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Enough fun for today. Come back tomorrow for more. Traffic information for Republican National Convention Week (Thanks to Pamela, our Bay Ridge correspondent.) (Editor's note: We were in the area of Madison Square Garden yesterday, and the security was unbelievable. If you're going to be anywhere near the Garden, read this and heed.) The Republican National Convention will take place Monday, August 30th through Thursday, September 2nd. Street closures in the immediate vicinity of Madison Square Garden will begin on Sunday, August 29th and are as follows: · West 31st to West 33rd Streets from 6th to 9th Avenues will be closed to vehicle traffic. · Between 7th and 9th Avenues, pedestrians will need to have a business-related purpose to enter (like New Year's Eve in Times Square). · West 32nd between 6th and 7th Avenue will be closed to vehicle traffic. It will become a Pedestrian Mall, providing access to Penn Station up through Penn Station's 7th Avenue entrance under the MSG marquee. · People will be able to enter Penn Station through the entrance at 34th & 7th Avenue but not from 8th Avenue. · 7th Avenue will be closed from 42nd to 29th Streets during the 13 hours when the convention is in session. At other times, at least one lane will be open in the MSG area and all lanes will be open elsewhere. · 8th Avenue will be closed during the convention hours from 23rd to 34th Streets. · Since 31st Street at 8th Avenue will be a designated protest area, additional lane or avenue closures are likely south of that point at other times during the week. The MTA will be re-routing bus service on both 7th and 8th Avenues. The Convention will not be in session during rush hour and it has only one session during the day, on Monday from 10:00am to 1:00pm. The evening sessions will take place Monday through Thursday, from 8:30pm to 11:00pm. For more information, please call 311. Website of the Day LONELY PAMPHLETEER REVIEW "[L]iberty of the press is the right of the lonely pamphleteer...as much as the large metropolitan publisher..." White,J.,Branzburg v Hayes, 408 U.S.,665,704 (1972) Differences: Men and Women (From Bob, our Bayside correspondent.) 1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female......Any part under a car's hood. Male...The strap fastener on a woman's bra. 2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female......Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male........Playing football without a cup. 3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female......The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male........Leaving a note before taking off for a weekend with the boys. 4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n Female...A desire to get married and raise a family. Male.....Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend. 5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.v. Female......A good movie, concert, play or book. Male........Anything that can be done while drinking, and ends with sex. 6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female......An embarrassing by-product of digestion. Male........A source of entertainment, self-_expression, male bonding. 7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female......The greatest _expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male........Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up having sex. 8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female..A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male.....A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes. Friday, August 27, 2004
Read this article: Can Markets Predict Elections? ______________________________________ Then check Iowa Electronic Markets As of August 27th, 2004: President Bush - 53.4 Senator Kerry - 47.1 ______________________________________ After that, look at Intrade As of August 27th, 2004 President Bush - 55.2 Senator Kerry - 45.9 LETTER FROM Marc Racicot, Chairman of the Republican Party Dear Patrick, In April, Vice President Cheney was with us to Party for the President. In July, the First Lady joined us. On September 2nd, the special guest could be you. You can play an important role in the nomination of the President. Several parties around the country will be selected to appear live, via satellite, broadcast on television and on the convention floor. The Convention could broadcast live from your party. Your party, and your guests, could help nominate the President and appear as part of the Republican National Convention program. Will you join us? Will you host or attend a Convention Watch Party on September 2nd? The excitement is building. The balloons are being filled. The stage is being constructed. New York is preparing for the Republicans to arrive and kick off the Party. In seven days, the President will accept the nomination of the Republican Party, and the balloons will drop on Madison Square Garden. Will you be a part of the process? www.GeorgeWBush.com/Party By holding a Convention Watch Party, you might be chosen to participate on the floor of the convention, but you won't ever have to leave home. We'll select the parties we'll broadcast soon. Will your home be one of them? Sign up today at www.GeorgeWBush.com/Party and we might be saying, "Live from New York! It's you." Sincerely, s/ Marc Racicot Chairman Thursday, August 26, 2004
Read this article: Can Markets Predict Elections? ______________________________________ Then check Iowa Electronic Markets As of August 26th, 2004: President Bush - 52.5 Senator Kerry - 47.5 ______________________________________ After that, look at Intrade As of August 26th, 2004 President Bush - 55.8 Senator Kerry - 45.7 Traffic information for Republican National Convention week (Thanks to Pamela, our correspondent in Bay Ridge.) The Republican National Convention will take place Monday, August 30th through Thursday, September 2nd. Street closures in the immediate vicinity of Madison Square Garden will begin on Sunday, August 29th and are as follows: · West 31st to West 33rd Streets from 6th to 9th Avenues will be closed to vehicle traffic. · Between 7th and 9th Avenues, pedestrians will need to have a business-related purpose to enter (like New Year's Eve in Times Square). · West 32nd between 6th and 7th Avenue will be closed to vehicle traffic. It will become a Pedestrian Mall, providing access to Penn Station up through Penn Station's 7th Avenue entrance under the MSG marquee. · People will be able to enter Penn Station through the entrance at 34th & 7th Avenue but not from 8th Avenue. · 7th Avenue will be closed from 42nd to 29th Streets during the 13 hours when the convention is in session. At other times, at least one lane will be open in the MSG area and all lanes will be open elsewhere. · 8th Avenue will be closed during the convention hours from 23rd to 34th Streets. · Since 31st Street at 8th Avenue will be a designated protest area, additional lane or avenue closures are likely south of that point at other times during the week. The MTA will be re-routing bus service on both 7th and 8th Avenues. The Convention will not be in session during rush hour and it has only one session during the day, on Monday from 10:00am to 1:00pm. The evening sessions will take place Monday through Thursday, from 8:30pm to 11:00pm. For more information, please call 311. Reason's Weekly Dispatch By Jeff A. Taylor and the Reason staff In this issue: 1. Najaf Ping-pong 2. Breaking Up is Hard to Do 3. Secret Sharer 4. Quick Hits 5. New at Reason Online - Time To Clear the Board 6. News and Events Stereotypes... (From Eugene, our Suffolk County correspondent.) A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?" She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago" He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality." "Really! " he said, "what myths are those?" "Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern redneck." Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name." "Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba." Kerryism (From David, at Lonely Pamphleteer Review.) My name is John F. Kerry, war hero who's anti-war Right now I'm not merry, but really quite sore I demand an end to unwarranted attacks If Bush doesn't stop, I'm not going to be lax Obviously I'm bold, brilliant and brave follow my lead, our country to save From evil forces, nasty and malicious greedy, grasping and also capricious After I'm president the Republican fate I will seal As I embark on my program: my governing Big Deal An end to the GOP and their political hate speech My words will be law, and how wide my reach Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Read this article: Can Markets Predict Elections? ______________________________________ Then check Iowa Electronic Markets As of August 25th, 2004: President Bush - 52.0 Senator Kerry - 48.0 ______________________________________ After that, look at Intrade As of August 25th, 2004 President Bush - 54.0 Senator Kerry - 46.0 THE LEFT COAST REPORT A Political Look at Hollywood By James Hirsen A NewsMax Report Headlines (Scroll down for complete stories): 1. Left Coast Singsong 2. Rapper Rodney 3. Cindy Crawford's PETA Repellent 4. Charlize Theron Threatens a Bow-out 5. Madonna Ticked Off at Kabbalah What If George Patton were President? (From Pamela, our correspondent in Bay Ridge.) If General George Patton were alive and President of the USA, This would be his Fireside Speech: My fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed. Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete. This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning. Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, Norway and Poland are some of the countries listed there. The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening. Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption. Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France. In the future, together with Congress, I will work to cut taxes and solve some local problems. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China. To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. You boys, work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too. I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mon amis. I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York. A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are going to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I have a couple of extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I'm gonna put 'em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil. Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty--starting now. It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying darn tootin'. Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to cut taxes here because we will not be spending on other peoples problems. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you. To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead. God bless America. Thank you and good night. Read this article: Can Markets Predict Elections? ______________________________________ Then check Iowa Electronic Markets As of August 21st, 2004: President Bush - 50.3 Senator Kerry - 49.7 ______________________________________ After that, look at Intrade As of August 21st, 2004 President Bush - 51.9 Senator Kerry - 48.3 Kerry Vote Record (From Gene, our Washington Heights correspondent.) Sen. John Kerry, Democrat from Massachusetts, says he is the strongest Presidential Candidate on National Defense! He said Check the Record...We Did! Here is what we learned. He voted to kill the Bradley Fighting Vehicle He voted to kill the M-1 Abrams Tank He voted to kill every Aircraft carrier laid down since 1988 He voted to kill the Aegis anti aircraft system He voted to Kill the F-15 Strike Eagle He voted to Kill 60 F-16's He voted to Kill the P-3 Orion upgrade He voted to Kill the B-1 He voted to Kill the B-2 He voted to Kill the Patriot anti-Missile system He voted to Kill the FA-18 He voted to Kill the F-117 He voted to kill every military appropriation for the development and deployment of every weapons systems since 1988, including a bill for battle armor for our troops. It is most likely, with Sen. John Kerry as President and Commander in Chief of our Armed Services, that they will cease to function making it impossible for our country to protect itself. John Kerry voted to kill all anti-terrorism activities of each and every agency of the U.S. Government. He voted to cut the funding of the FBI by 60%, He voted to cut the funding for the CIA by 80%, He voted to cut the funding for the NSA by 80%. THEN, and this is abhorrent to almost every American Voter be you Democrat, Republican or Independent. He voted to increase OUR funding for U.N. operations by 800%!! Ask yourself: Is THIS a the person you want as President of these United States providing for the Common Defense of the Nation and be the Leader of the Free World ? Voting histories can be accessed through Senate voting records. The above is an accurate summary. To Kill an American (From Gene, our Washington Heights correspondent.) You probably missed it in the rush of news last week, but there was actually a report that someone in Pakistan had published in a newspaper an offer of a reward to anyone who killed an American, any American. So an Australian dentist wrote the following to let everyone know what an American is, so they would know when they found one. (Good on ya, mate!!!!) An American is English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German, Spanish, Polish, Russian or Greek. An American may also be Canadian, Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian, Asian, or Arab, or Pakistani, or Afghan. An American may also be a Cherokee, Osage, Blackfoot, Navaho, Apache, Seminole or one of the many other tribes known as native Americans. An American is Christian, or he could be Jewish, or Buddhist, or Muslim. In fact, there are more Muslims in America than in Afghanistan. The only difference is that in America they are free to worship as each of them chooses. An American is also free to believe in no religion. For that, he will answer only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the government and for God. An American is from the most prosperous land in the history of the world. The root of that prosperity can be found in the Declaration of Independence, which recognizes the God given right of each person the pursuit of happiness. An American is generous. Americans have helped out just about every other nation in the world in their time of need. When Afghanistan was overrun by the Soviet army 20 years ago, Americans came with arms and supplies to enable the people to win back their country! As of the morning of September 11, Americans had given more than any other nation to the poor in Afghanistan. Americans welcome the best. The best products, the best books, the best music, the best food, the best athletes. But they also welcome the least. The national symbol of America, The Statue of Liberty, welcomes your tired and your poor, the wretched refuse of your teeming shores, the homeless, tempest tossed. These in fact are the people who built America. Some of them were working in the Twin Towers the morning of September 11, 2001 earning a better life for their families. I've been told that the World Trade Center victims were from at least 30 other countries, cultures, and first languages, including those that aided and abetted the terrorists. So you can try to kill an American if you must. Hitler did. So did General Tojo, and Stalin, and Mao Tse-Tung, and every bloodthirsty tyrant in the history of the world. But, in doing so you would just be killing yourself. Because Americans are not a particular people from a particular place. They are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom. Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, is an American. MEMBER OF VILLAGE PEOPLE ADMITS HE IS GOVERNOR OF IDAHO (From Pamela, our Bay Ridge correspondent.) Band Members, Disco Fans Stunned A member of the prominent disco band The Village People shocked fans and fellow band members alike today by admitting at a press conference that he is actually the Governor of Idaho. The Indian Chief, a key member of the disco ensemble since its founding in the 1970's, choked back tears as he made his confession at a crowded press conference in lower Manhattan. "For some time now, I have been struggling with a truth about myself, but now the time has come for me to share that truth with the world," the Indian Chief said. "I am the Governor of Idaho." The Indian Chief's secret life as Governor of Idaho came as a total surprise even to such fellow band-members as the Construction Worker, the Biker and the Cowboy. "In retrospect, he did seem to be signing a lot of papers all the time, but I never would have guessed it was legislation," the Construction Worker told reporters. But moments after the Indian Chief's emotional press conference, angry fans around the world were calling for his immediate resignation from the Village People. "I feel betrayed that a guy I thought was a full-time Village Person was actually sneaking around being Governor of Idaho on the side," said David Giulardi, 48, a fan of the band since the 1970's. "The credibility of the Village People is at stake." Elsewhere, President Bush announced that 70,000 troops withdrawn from Europe and Asia would be used at the end of this month to keep protesters away from the Republican National Convention. Saturday, August 21, 2004
Read this article: Can Markets Predict Elections? ______________________________________ Then check Iowa Electronic Markets As of August 21st, 2004: President Bush - 50.5 Senator Kerry - 49.5 ______________________________________ After that, look at Intrade As of August 21st, 2004 President Bush - 52.0 Senator Kerry - 47.2 A LETTER FROM PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH Dear Patrick, In two weeks, I will proudly accept our Party's nomination for the Presidency of the United States. I will then travel the country to ask for the vote, telling Americans about my agenda to make a safer world and a more hopeful America in my next term. I will win if you continue to stand with us in the weeks ahead. There's a lot to do and our convention is a wonderful opportunity to energize our fellow Republicans and draw to our banner discerning Democrats and Independents. Will you help me do that? Will you open your home during the convention and reach out to your friends, family and neighbors by hosting a convention watch party on September 2nd, the night I make my acceptance speech? This would help spread our positive message in a very important way. There is no better messenger for me than you. There is no better way to help us communicate our ideals than by sharing our convention with neighbors. Will you help me? Victory depends on all of us making every effort to persuade people to join us and then getting them to the polls. I hope you will share our celebration and host a party in your home. Thanks again for all you do. Sincerely, S/ George W. Bush Globaloney Warming (This originally appeared on Steyn Online as a letter to the editor.) CANADA IS DOOMED I absolutely love your work - very sharp. I've been pondering a topic that would be perfect for a Steynian discourse, particularly since you primarily occupy northern climes. Here's the problem. The geological evidence (derived primarily from ocean sediments and polar ice core records) shows very clearly that there have been approximately 20 evenly-timed glacial episodes in the past 2 million years or so, each of approximately 100,000 years' duration. During these glacial periods Canada is covered in roughly a mile-thick layer of ice. During the intervening 'interglacials' , as we now find ourselves, Canada and northern Europe are actually habitable, to a degree (I live in California, so I'd consider it a very limited degree) for relatively short periods rarely exceeding 10,000 years. Our current interglacial, termed the Holocene era, started, well, just about 10,000 years ago, and we've been in a longterm cooling trend since the 'altithermal' period about 6,000 years ago. As such, Canada should be considered on deathwatch. This recurring pattern is striking in its regularity, and is attributed to astronomical factors, primarily regular changes in the shape of earth's orbit which control how much summer sunlight is available to melt the ice annually. The details of this mechanism are a matter of study and debate, but the clockwork of glaciation and deglaciation is truly one of the marvels of scientific discovery, and of nature itself. When the next glaciation occurs, which it almost certainly will (absent a huge surprise or some sort of artificial climate modification), Canada will return again to a deeply frozen, nearly lifeless wasteland. It will be completely deforested (that includes maple trees). Its topsoil will be scraped clean, carried south by the flowing ice and redeposited in the American midwest for future bubba farmers to plow and fertilize. Every Canadian ever lain to rest in his homeland will be rudely disinterred by mother nature and reburied somewhere in Ohio or Missouri or maybe carried all the way down to the Mississippi delta, perhaps to be lain in a red Bush state for eons to come. Unless we miraculously find some way to achieve a sort of 'global warming' effect, Canada is done, and it won't be long. Jim Johnstone Berkeley, California Election Limericks (From Pamela, our Bay Ridge correspondent.) "My Case" by John Kerry I'll keep us from warfare horrific, And you'll find that your sleep is terrific, For I'm an uncommon ex- Ample of Sominex: My speeches are so soporific. "My Case" by George W. Bush I shout it in verbibage that will resignate: Me as your leader you should designate! At preventing wars nucular I'd be spoctucular, So this time, elect me as presignate! Sometimes in life, you just need a little push... (From Colemans.) A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door to find a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain. The drunk asks him "Could you give me a push?" "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 o'clock in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it is 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife."Can't you remember about three months ago when our car broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!" The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes" comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk. Friday, August 20, 2004
Senator John Kerry Wants Book Banned in Boston and All Other Places According to the Drudge Report , Senator Kerry wants UNFIT for COMMAND banned. He has demanded that the publisher pull the book because it is filled with "falsehood". According to the publisher, they have orders for over 500,000 books. (More here.) Just to do our bit to stop this assualt on the First Amendment, here's where you can get the book: Newsmax.com Amazon Barnes and Noble Sorry Senator, part of the Oath of Office for the President of the United States and even lowly Naval officers is to support and defend the Constitution of the United States. The First Amendment is part of that Constituiton. Your wanting to ban books reveals a lot about your fitness to be President. THE LEFT COAST REPORT A Political Look at Hollywood By James Hirsen A NewsMax Report Headlines (Click here for complete stories): 1. Jane Fonda's Voting Aerobics 2. Curse of the Pea Soup 3. Chris Wallace's Macho Dad 4. Jamie Lee Curtis and Demi Moore, Surgery Opposites 5. Jacko Switcharoo Reason's Weekly Dispatch By Jeff A. Taylor and the Reason staff In this issue: 1. An Olympic Movement 2. Bringing the Troops Home 3. Political Messages for the Masses 4. Quick Hits 5. New at Reason Online - Debating Society 6. News and Events Men strike back! ! ! ! ! ! ! (From Dan, our correspondent in the Commonwealth of Taxachusetts.) How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.." ------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do men fart more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. ------------------------------------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. ------------------------------------------------------------------- What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told. ------------------------------------------------------------------- I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do men die before their wives? They want to. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. Thursday, August 19, 2004
Read this article: Can Markets Predict Elections? ______________________________________ Then check Iowa Electronic Markets As of August 19th, 2004: President Bush - 51.5 Senator Kerry - 49.5 ______________________________________ After that, look at Intrade As of August 13th, 2004 President Bush - 51.5 Senator Kerry - 48.1 Dear Abby... (From Dan, our correspondent in the Commonwealth of Taxachusetts.) Dear Abby: My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning and when I confronted him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating Also, since he lost his job three years ago he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is buy big cigars and cruise around and goof off with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I am a lesbian. What should I do? Signed, Clueless ------------------------------------------------ Dear Clueless: Grow up and dump him. For Pete's Sake, you don't need him any more. You're a United States Senator from New York. ACT LIKE IT. Outsourcing Gone Wild... (From Pamela, our Bay Ridge correspondent.) Washington DC - Congress today announced that the Office of President of the United States will be outsourced to overseas interests as of June 30th, the end of this fiscal year. The move is being made to save $400K a year in salary, a record FIVE HUNDRED TWENTY-ONE BILLION ($521,000,000,000.00) DOLLARS in deficit expenditures and related overhead. "The cost savings will be quite significant" says Congressman Adam Smith (D - Wash) who, with the aid of the GAO (the General Accounting Office) has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We simply can no longer afford this level of outlay and remain competitive in the world stage", Congressman Smith said. Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of the termination of his position. He will receive health coverage, expenses and salary until his final day of employment. After that, with a two week waiting period, he will then be eligible for $240 dollars a week from unemployment insurance for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be able to receive state Medicaid health insurance coverage as his unemployment benefits are over the required limit. Preparations have been underway for some time for the job move. Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will be assuming the Office of President of the United States as of July 1. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his parents were here on student visas, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (US$) a month but with no health coverage or other benefits. Due to the time difference between the US and India, Mr. Singh will be working primarily at night, when offices of the US Government will be open. "I am excited to serve in this position," Mr. Singh stated in an exclusive interview. "Working nights will let me keep my day job at the American Express call center. I always knew I could be President someday." Congress stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh as he may not be fully aware of all the issues involved with his new position. A Congressional Spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given a script tree to follow which will allow him to respond to most topics of concern. The Spokesperson further noted that "additional savings will be realized as these scripting tools have been successfully used by Mr. Bush and, like Mr. Bush, will enable Mr. Singh to provide an answer without having to fully understand the issue itself." Mr. Bush has been offered the use of a Congressional Page to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Inc., the placement firm, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position as job prospects in the Sports Franchise Ownership arena remain limited. A recently released report from the Pentagon suggests a good prospect for him as a newly unemployed person may be in the Army National Guard. There he would be called up with his unit and stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited briefly before. "I've been there, I know all about I-raq and the conditions there," stated Mr. Bush. He gained invaluable knowledge of the country in his first visit at the Baghdad Airport non-smoking terminal and gift shop. Meanwhile in Baghdad and Falluja, Iraq, sources report that local Iraqis say Mr. Bush would receive an especially warm reception from them. Such sources stated the Iraqis only request would be to be informed of which convoy he would be riding in order to give him the welcome he deserves. Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities including that of Vice-president and most Cabinet positions. Insider Report from NewsMax.com Headlines (Click here for complete stories): 1. Hidden Democratic Game Plan for 527s 2. Goss at CIA, Bad News for National Intelligence Director 3. Federal Bureaucracy Creep 4. Constitution Doesn't OK UN Election Monitoring Quote of the Week: (From Veterans Advantage.) These are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now deserves the love and thanks of man and woman.- Thomas Paine, The Crisis, 1776 Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Sunday, August 15, 2004
|