The Pamphleteer

During colonial times in America, if you wanted to convince or inform people about some issue that you considered important, you went to the local printer and got some pamphlets printed. You then handed them out, read them to anybody that was interested, nailed them to the town bulletin board, or the nearest tree. The first amendment was specifically written to protect this type of activity and the writers or "pamphleteers".

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Saturday, December 31, 2005

 



(Thanks to Bob Krum.)

Enough screwing around, let's bring the impeachment motion to a vote. For the reasons behind this, see here...


.


 



(Thanks to Tom Maquire.)

Here's where my money is going this year:

Libby Legal Defense Trust
2100 M Street, N.W.
Suite 170-362
Washington, D.C. 20037-1233


Give until it hurts!

.


 
The Religion of Peace (or We Kill You)






.


 
THE LEFT COAST REPORT

A Political Look at Hollywood

By James Hirsen

A NewsMax Report

Headlines (Click here for complete stories):

1. Steven Spielberg Hires Ariel Sharon Aide to Sell 'Munich'
2. Klum-less in Iran
3. 'Super Size Me' Director to Attack GOP
4. Bob Dylan's Satellite Stretch
5. Auctioning Off John McCain


.




 
The Refdesk Site of the Day is:


Today's Front Pages

This site is an online presentation of one of the Newseum's most popular
exhibits. Every morning, more than 300 newspapers from around the world submit
their front pages to the Newseum via the Internet.

-----


 
Who Wants to be a Millionaire


(From Greta, our correspondent in Astoria.)

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" had reached the
final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win
$1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000
milestone money.

As she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no
pushover.

It was:

Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest,
but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?

Is it:

A) the condor;
B) the buzzard;
C) the cuckoo; or
D) the vulture?

The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was
doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her
Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline,
and the woman had hoped against hope that she would not have to use it because the only friend that she knew would be home happened to be a blonde. But the contestant had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.

The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C:
The cuckoo."

The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered
employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, it would seem to be the logical thing to do. On the other hand -- the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.

"I need an answer," said Regis.

Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."

"Is that your final answer?" asked Regis.

"Yes, that is my final answer."

Two seconds later, Regis said, "I regret to inform you that the answer
is ............ absolutely correct. You are now a millionaire!"

Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and
friends including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.

"Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant.
"Because of your knowing the answer to that final question, I am now a
millionaire. And do you want to know something? It was your assuredness with which you answered the question that convinced me to go with your choice. By the way......how did you happen to know the right answer?"

"Oh, come on!" said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos
don't build nests. They live in clocks."


.


 
THANK YOU...............


(From Greta, our correspondent in Astoria.)


I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to
send me your damn chain letters over the past few years. Yes, thank you,
thank you, thank you from the bottom of what's left of my heart for making
me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern...I no longer can drink Coca Cola because
it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or DR Pepper since the people who make
these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their
cans.

I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick
from the rat feces and urine.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes
cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like
a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer use margarine because it's one molecule away from being
plastic.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with
a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are
actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to
Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys
and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now
have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes. (Geez, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who
is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating
in their special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me!

I will now return the favor.

If you don't send this email to at least 1200 people in the next 60
seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00
PM this afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your
armpits. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a
friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of my
next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's 8th husband's 2nd cousin's 3rd
husband's ex-wife's mother's beautician!


.



Sunday, December 25, 2005
 
MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Merry Christmas! Some scenes from New York City to get everyone in the mood.

(Courtesy of Ron, my former boss. Good Luck and Godspeed in his retirement. Yes, the pictures are repeats from the past, but they capture the spirit and feeling like no others.)

The Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Center



The Christmas Tree at the New York Stock Exchange



The New York Stock Exchange



The Bull Is Charging Back! Will The Dow End Over 11,000 for 2005?



The Brooklyn Bridge



Saturday, December 24, 2005

 
The Religion of Peace (or We Kill You)






.


 
A Christmas Card To Our Troops

(Thanks to Ed, at Captain's Quarters.)

To participate in a heartwarming project, go here...


.



 
THE LEFT COAST REPORT


A Political Look at Hollywood

By James Hirsen

A NewsMax Report

Headlines (Click here for complete stories):

1. The Cindy Sheehan Play
2. Weinsteinland?
3. Merry Paris Hilton Christmas
4. Academy Awards to Be Chris Rock-less
5. David Geffen Deals Again


.



 
New Jersey Slogan Search Bars Sarcasm

(From Dan, our correspondent in the Commonwealth of Taxachusetts.)

PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania (Reuters) -- New Jersey, trying to overcome its reputation for corruption, traffic and toxic waste dumps, has rejected dozens of sardonic and sarcastic entries in a contest for a new tourist slogan. (Sorry, no link.)

A list of five possible slogans released Wednesday leaves out:

1) "New Jersey: We can always use another relative on the payroll," and

2) "Come to New Jersey: It's not as bad as it smells."

Other previous winners included:

1) New Jersey: You can't smell it in California

2) New Jersey: Someone's Gotta Live There!!

3) New Jersey: Where you get in for free, but pay a toll to get out.

4) New Jersey: Worth the Toll to Leave

5) New Jersey: Where Trash Gets Picked up, but the women don't.


.


 
CHRISTMAS COOKIE RECIPE


(From Marian, our correspondent in Narrowsburg.)

Try this recipe and let me know how your cookies turn out.

Here's a great Christmas Cookie recipe that I thought you might want
to try this year:

1 cup of water
1 tsp. baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp. salt
1 cup of brown sugar
1 T lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequilla

Sample the Cuervo to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo
again, to be sure it is of the highest
quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one
cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the
Cuervo is still OK, try another cup ...
just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2
eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in
the cup of dried fruit, Pick the
frigging fruit off floor...
Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck
in the beaterers just pry it loose with
a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to
check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something.. Check
the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon
juice and strain your nuts. Add one
table. Add a spoon of sugar, or
somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash
the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees
and try not to fall over. Don't forget
to beat off the turner. Finally, throw
the bowl through the window, finish the
Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the
dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


 
The Refdesk Sites of the Day are:


How Christmas Works

For hundreds of millions of people around the world, Christmas
is the biggest holiday of the year. Have you ever wondered where
traditions like Santa Claus come from? Find out at this How Stuff Works site.


Related sites:

How Christmas Lights Works

How Mistletoe Works.

-----


 
Night Prayers

(From Greta, our correspondent in Astoria.)

Female Prayer:

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

Amen.


Male Prayer:

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
who owns a 72” plasma TV, liquor store and a bass boat.

This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.

Amen.


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Sunday, December 18, 2005

 
Thank A Soldier Week

December 19 - Christmas


For more information, see here...


.


 
Holiday Party


(From Pamela, our correspondent in Bay Ridge.)

To: undisclosed-recipients:
Sent: Friday, December 02, 2005 8:00 AM
Subject: Holiday party


December 1st

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols ...

Feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree!

Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty Lewis

Human Resources Director

------------------------------------------------------------------------

December 2nd

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides
with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year).

However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party."? The same
policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time.

There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty Lewis

Human Resources Director

----------------------------------------------------------------------

December 3rd

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this
request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the able that reads, "AA
Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the gifts
exchange-- no gifts will be allowed since? The union members feel that $10
is too much money.

Patty Lewis

Human Researchers Director

--------------------------------------------------------------------

December 7th

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the
dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are
allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay
men; each will have their own table.

Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table.

Happy now?

Patty Lewis

Human Racehorses Director

--------------------------------------------------------------------

December 9th

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

People, people -- nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play
Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan,"
there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit."

Patty Lewis

Human Ratraces

----------------------------------------------------------------------

December 10th

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

Vegetarians -- I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this
party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit at
the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, and you'll
get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes.?

But, you know, tomatoes have feelings, too.? They scream when you
slice them. I've heard them scream.? I'm hearing them right now... Ha!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me?

The Bitch from Hell

-------------------------------------------------------------------

December 14th

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
from her stress-related illness.? I'll continue to forward your cards to
her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel
our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with
full pay.

Terri Bishop

Acting Human Resources Director


.



 
The Refdesk Sites of the Day are:


Nixon White House Tapes

The Nixon White House Tapes consist of approximately 3700 hours of recordings
containing approximately 2800 hours of recorded conversations between President
Nixon, his staff, and visitors at locations in the Oval Office; the President's
Executive Office Building hideaway office; the Cabinet Room; various White House
telephones at the Oval Office, EEOB and the Lincoln Sitting Room; and at various
Camp David locations. These recordings were produced surreptiously, without the
knowledge of most of the participants.
The existence of the White House taping system was first made public during the
testimony of former presidential aide Alexander Butterfield before the Senate
Watergate committee in July 1973. Recording stopped soon afterward, but the
equipment was not removed until after President Nixon left office in August
1974.

-----

FindLaw

FindLaw.com is the nation's leading provider of online legal information and
solutions for the legal community, businesses and individuals. According to
comScore Media Metrix, a leading independent Web usage reporting service, the
FindLaw.com Internet portal is the highest-trafficked legal Web site with 3.7
million unique monthly users. This site provides comprehensive set of legal
resources on the Internet for legal professionals, businesses, students and
individuals.

-----



Sunday, December 11, 2005

 


Both AJ and Mac have a story about Joshua Woods who was killed when plane ran off the runway and plowed into his family car.

A fund has been set up for the family here:

Donors should write a check to "Joshua Woods benefit" and mail it to

Centier Bank
1276 N. Main St.
Crown Point, IN 46307.
Call the bank at (219) 663-7804 for more information.

Send a donation then hug your loved ones.


.



 
Republicans v Democrats

(From Dan, our correspondent in the Commonwealth of Taxachusetts.)

Are you a Democrat or aRepublican?


With elections coming up in 2006, we should all decide.

Question:

How do you tell the difference between Democrats and Republicans?

Now look closely.

Answer. Pose the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes
around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises
the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an
expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your
family. What do you do?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of
his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does
this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely
want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away
while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint
and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would
discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing!

I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come
to a consensus.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Republican's Answer:

BANG!


.


 
The Refdesk Site of the Day is:


Is Wal-Mart Good for America?

The companion site for the Public Broadcasting Service Frontline program
examines the growing controversy over the Wal-Mart way of doing business and
asks whether a single retail giant has changed the American economy.

-----


 
A DINNER CONVERSATION THAT WENT WRONG


(From Greta, our correspondent in Astoria.)

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not- don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would?" (With a hurtful look on her face)
HUSBAND: (makes low groan)
WIFE: "Would you let her sleep in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you play golf with her?"
HUSBAND: "I guess so."
WIFE: "Would you let her use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left handed."

WIFE: ---silence--

HUSBAND: "Shit."


.



Saturday, December 10, 2005

 



(Thanks to Tom Maquire.)

Here's where my money is going this year:

Libby Legal Defense Trust
2100 M Street, N.W.
Suite 170-362
Washington, D.C. 20037-1233


Give until it hurts!

.


 
THE LEFT COAST REPORT


A Political Look at Hollywood

By James Hirsen

A NewsMax Report

Headlines (Scroll down for complete stories):

1. Disney Digitizes 'Narnia'
2. Crips Founder 'Tookie' Williams in the Hands of the Terminator
3. Rev. Al Sharpton Seeks Sitcom Stardom
4. Cable Bundling Controversy


.



 
Victory in Iraq - Read the Plan

(From Republican Party Chairman Ken Mehlman.)

Speaking at the U.S. Naval Academy, President Bush laid out the plan for victory in Iraq. America's strategy is clear: we will help Iraqis build a stable democracy, a strong economy, and security forces that can defend the Iraqi people and fight the terrorists. And we will never give in to the enemy by cutting and running before the job is done.

Read the President's complete Strategy for Victory in Iraq here, and write a letter to the editor to spread the word about the President's plan.

In Iraq, our troops' heroic work is paying off. Iraqis will soon vote in their third democratic election this year. Groups that boycotted earlier elections are joining the political process. On the security front, Iraqi troops and police are growing stronger and more ready to defend their country. Increasingly, Iraqis are taking the lead in joint operations to root out the terrorists. As Iraqi forces stand up, our troops' mission will shift away from patrolling Iraqi cities and towards hunting down the most dangerous terrorists.

In spite of the incredible progress made by our troops, some in Washington still are proposing artificial deadlines for withdrawal. This is not a plan for victory. Cutting and running would send a message to the terrorists that our will can be broken, inviting more attacks on our troops and on our homeland. It would tell our friends that America is a weak and unsteady ally. So long as George W. Bush is our President, America will never return to the dangerous, pre-September 11th illusion that the terrorists can be appeased by simply turning our backs.

In response to the President's clear plan, Democrats like minority leader Harry Reid offer empty political attacks, calling the President's speech "tired rhetoric" even before it was given. Yet these same Democrats agree with key elements of President Bush's strategy, with Sen. Joe Biden writing that "we must forge a sustainable political compromise between Iraqi factions, strengthen the Iraqi government and bolster reconstruction efforts, and accelerate the training of Iraqi forces." That sounds exactly like what the President is proposing. These Democrats fundamentally agree on what needs to happen in Iraq, but they're attacking for political gain. Are these attacks designed to help us win the war on terror, or help them win the next election?

President Bush offers a way forward on Iraq, not empty political posturing. Read the strategy and spread the word in your community.


.



 
Instructions For Using an ATM

(From Dan, our correspondent in the Commonwealth of Taxachusetts.)

Editor's Note: Any complaints hsould be addressed to Dan.

BANK INSTRUCTIONS
A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."


MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.

***********************************************************

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press Cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in the back of checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.


.


 
For Catholics Only


(From Marian, our correspondent in Narrowsburg.)

This information is for Catholics. It must not be divulged to non-Catholics. The less they know about our rituals and code words, the better off they are.

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.

CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.

HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.

RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

INCENSE: Holy Smoke!

JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.

JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.

JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava.

MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. (The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)

PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.

PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.

RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.

USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.


.



Friday, December 09, 2005



Saturday, December 03, 2005

 
THE LEFT COAST REPORT

A Political Look at Hollywood

By James Hirsen

A NewsMax Report

Headlines (Click here for complete stories):

1. Johnny Depp's France Dance
2. Bruce Springsteen's Senator Friends
3. Rob Reiner Peeved Over Taxes?
4. Snoop Dogg Joins the Tookie Fan Club
5. O.J. Feels Robert Blake's Pain


.



 
1,000th U.S. execution an occasion to mourn 600,000 murder victims

The following article appears at www.theconservativevoice.com:

by Mike Paranzino
November 29, 2005 12:50 PM EST

In the next few days, Virginia, Ohio or one of the Carolinas is likely to
execute the 1,000th killer since the modern death penalty was set in motion in
1976 with the Supreme Court’s decision in Gregg v. Georgia.

While death penalty opponents are marking the occasion with renewed calls for
abolition of the death penalty, those of us who work with crime victims are
recognizing a far more somber milestone. Since 1975, more than 600,000 American
men, women and children have been brutally murdered, including an estimated
1,800 who were murdered by the 1,000 killers put to death.

The full article can be read at:

http://www.theconservativevoice.com/articles/article.html?id=10332


.



 
Theodore Roosevelt on Immigrants and being an AMERICAN in 1907.

(From Gene, our correspondent in Washington Heights.)

Some may think Teddy's words have lost its meaning. John Howard, the Australian Prime Minister in a response to Muslim clerics wanting to substitute Islamic law for Australian law told them that if they didn't wish to be Australian they should leave the country. Americans should have no problems with the fact that its people speak a variety of languages PROVIDING THAT AMERICA SPEAKS ONE LANGUAGE. It's the only way we can assimilate into one national culture.

Teddy Roosevelt said it best:


"In the first place we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the man's becoming in very fact an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag, and this excludes the red flag, which symbolizes all wars against liberty and civilization, just as much as it excludes any foreign flag of a nation to which we are hostile...We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language...and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."



.


 
Best Prayer I Have Heard in a Long Time

(From Ron, our correspondent in Florida.)

Heavenly Father, Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in
traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and
is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and
spend a few precious moments with her children.

Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man
who can't make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college
student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of
not getting his student loans for next semester.

Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the
same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is a slave to
addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares.

Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through
the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this
moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week,
this will be the last year that they go shopping together.

Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us,
the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with
those we hold dear. Open our hearts not to just those who are close to
us, but to all humanity. Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive,
show patience, empathy and love.

Working for God on earth doesn't pay much......but His retirement plan
is out of this world!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Sunday, November 27, 2005

 
Twelve Iraqi War Myths

(Thanks to The Religion of Peace.)

See Here...


.


 
IRAQ - VERY INTERESTING - DID YOU KNOW?

(From Bob, our correspondent in Bayside.)

1. The garden of Eden was in Iraq.

2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq, was the cradle of civilization!

3. Noah built the ark in Iraq.

4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq.

5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq!

6. Isaac's wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq.

7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq.

8. Jonah preached in Nineveh - which is in Iraq.

9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel.

10. Amos cried out in Iraq!

11. Babylon, which is in Iraq, destroyed Jerusalem.

12. Daniel was in the lion's den in Iraq!

13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq (Jesus had been in Iraq also as the fourth person in the fiery furnace!)

14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon saw the "writing on the wall" in Iraq.

15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq.

16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq.

17. The wise men were from Iraq.

18. Peter preached in Iraq.

19. The "Empire of Man" described in Revelation is called Babylon, which was a city in Iraq!

And you have probably seen this one. Israel is the nation most often mentioned in the Bible. But do you know which nation is second? It is Iraq! However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible. The names used in the Bible are Babylon, Land of Shinar, and Mesopotamia.

The word Mesopotamia means between the two rivers, more exactly between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers.

The name Iraq, means country with deep roots.

Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant country in the Bible.

No other nation, except Israel, has more history and prophecy associated it than Iraq.


.


 
THE LEFT COAST REPORT

A Political Look at Hollywood

By James Hirsen

A NewsMax Report

Headlines (Click here for complete stories):

1. San Francisco Supervisor Wants Bill O'Reilly Fired
2. Supreme Court TV
3. Terrorism Takes Life of 'Halloween' Producer
4. TV Sex Scenes on the Rise
5. 'Hollywood' Joe Wilson


.



 
A Dismissal by Senator Charles Schumer (D-NY)

Several weeks ago, I wrote to Senator Schumer about my concerns when the story of the Democratic Senate Campaign Committee had illegally obtained Maryland Lt. Governor Michael Steele's credit report. Senator Schumer is the chair of the committee.

Herewith is Senator Schumer's dismissive reply:

Dear Mr. Murphy:

Thank you for contacting me to express your opinion. I appreciate your taking the time to get in touch with me. Your comments are important to me.

Please be assured that I will take the time to consider your views. A democracy is only as strong as it citizens, and nothing is more powerful than concerned citizens who take the time to express themselves. I urge you to keep writing and I want you to know that I will keep fighting on behalf of you and all New Yorkers while in the United States Senate.

As we consider legislation in the 109th Congress, I will keep your comments and wishes in mind. Again, thank you for contacting me. If I may be of any further assistance in the future, please do not hesitate to contact my office.


Senator, here's my reply: I hope you get buried in 2006 by a Republican landslide.

Screw you, you worthless lowlife motherfucker!


.



 
Comment of the Day


(Posted on The Nation of Riflemen.)

Of all tyrannies a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its
victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under
robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber
baronÂ’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be
satiated, but those who torment us for our own good will torment us
without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.
- C.S. Lewis

jsallison on 11/22 at 08:54 AM


.



Saturday, November 26, 2005

 
See Moviefone Short Films

(From Gene, our correspondent in Washington Heights.)

Some really creative stuff here:

http://movies.aol.com/short_film_festival?pmmsid=1270086

Just a comment, this is an example of the future, someday we'll all be content providers.

Enjoy!


.



Thursday, November 24, 2005

 
Update on The Religion of Peace




.


 
A Sample of a John Kerry Administration...

(Thanks to Powerline.)

Senator Kerry gives us a view of how his administration would have operated by his participation on a jury in Massachusetts. The rest of the country breathes a sigh of relief that he's not their Senator or President.

See here...


.


 
Chicken With Stuffing

(From Greta, our correspondent in Astoria.)

Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing
- imagine that. I thought it was perfect for people like me, who just are
not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked,but not dried out. Give this a try.

BAKED STUFFED CHICKEN

6-7 lb. Chicken
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good.)
1 cup uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER'S LOW FAT)
Salt/pepper to taste
______________________________
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt,
and pepper.

Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn.

Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven.

Listen for the popping sounds.

When the chicken's ass blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across
the room, it's done.

And, you thought I couldn't cook......


.


 
Lots of Humor to Start the Day

(From Dan, our correspondent in the Commonwealth of Taxachusetts.)

Click here...


.


 
Some Interesting Facts...

From Andy, an occassional correspondent in Nassau County.)

Editor's Note: Some of these sound like urban legends, but enjoy anyway.

In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are "limbs," therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression, "Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg."

As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year (May and October)! Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn't wash the wigs, so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term "big wig." Today we often use the term "here comes the Big Wig" because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.

In the late 1700s, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used for dining. The "head of the household" always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called the one sitting in the chair the "chair man." Today in business, we use the expression or title "Chairman" or "Chairman of the Board."

Personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face she was told, "mind your own bee's wax." Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term "crack a smile." In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt . . therefore, the expression "losing face."

Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman, as in "straight laced". . . wore a tightly tied lace.

Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the "Ace of Spades." To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren't "playing with a full deck."

Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what the people considered important. Since there were no telephones, TV's or radios, the politicians sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and bars. They were told to "go sip some ale" and listen to people's conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at different times. "You go sip here" and "You go sip there." The two words "go sip" were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and, thus we have the term "gossip."

At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint and quart-sized containers. A bar maid's job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was drinking in "pints" and who was drinking in "quarts," hence the term "minding your "P's and Q's."

One more: bet you didn't know this!

In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. However, how to prevent them from rolling about the deck? The best storage method devised was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem...how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a "Monkey" with 16 round indentations.

However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make "Brass Monkeys." Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would come right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey."

(All this time, you thought that was an improper expression, didn't you.)

You must send this fabulous bit of historic knowledge to unsuspecting friends. If you don't, your floppy is going to fall off your hard drive and kill your mouse.


"If you can read this, thank a teacher".... "If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier."


.



Sunday, November 13, 2005

 
Now It Can Be Told...

The real reason George Bush won a second term is due to

this critical segment of the population.


.


 


(Thanks to Real Clear Politics.)


Say no to hip-hop's excesses


"It is tragic enough that black rappers and hip-hop moguls prostitute themselves to the Fortune 500 with the very stereotypes about violence, stupidity, and sexual drive that white society used to justify slavery, colonization, segregation, and lynching. After slave rebellions, the Underground Railroad, patriotism in world wars, marches on Washington, and murders of civil rights workers, Jay-Z makes millions saying, ''I take and rape villages."

African-Americans can no longer afford to coddle these people. The black czars of gutter hip-hop are the new house slaves. And Reebok's promotion of this material, along with Comcast and other media giants, is just as reprehensible."



.


 
1,100 Lawyers Leave Saddam Defense Team...

(From the DrudgeReport.)

That's not a defense team, how do any decisions get made?

See here.


.


 
From Hit and Run

Reason's staff blog:


Televangelist Pat Robertson Calls Down Plagues of Frogs, Lice, and Locusts
on Dover, PA.

Not really, but Robertson did warn the residents of Dover, PA who
heretically voted to throw out the intelligent designers on the town's
school board:

"I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: If there is a disaster in
your area, don't turn to God. You just rejected him from your city."

Robertson later added this clarification: "If they have future problems
in Dover, I recommend they call on Charles Darwin. Maybe he can help them."

I just wonder how Robertson can be so damned sure that God is against the
teaching of science?

Posted by Ronald Bailey

http://www.reason.com/hitandrun/2005/11/televangelist_p.shtml


.


 
The Refdesk Site of the Day is:


FBI: Most Wanted

Each year millions of Americans are victimized by the scams and schemes
perpetrated by white collar crime predators. Corporate fraud, health care fraud,
telemarketing fraud, and bank fraud are just a few of the criminals' weapons of
choice. Billions of dollars are estimated to be lost annually as a result of
these fraudulent activities which are carried out by individuals, companies, or
groups of individuals. You can help protect American citizens from these
criminals who often target the elderly.

-----


 
Now there's a store that pays us:


(Forwarded by Pamela, our correspondent in Bay Ridge.)

Brooklyn's new iSold It, part of a national chain that helps computer-shy pack rats auction their stuff through eBay. Bring in an old bike or an ex-boyfriend's drum set and they do the rest - posting the goods online and shipping them to the winner. You get a link to the auction and a check when it's done; they get 30% of the take. Since not everything sells, however, they judge your junk carefully, taking only the items that will earn at least $30.


You can view the entire article at:

http://www.nydailynews.com/city_life/thersday/story/361748p-308138c.html .


.


 
A Prayer for the Stressed


(From John, our correspondent in Narrowsburg.)


Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill today because they got on my nerves.
Also help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the feet I may have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me always to give 100% at work...

12% on Monday,

23%on Tuesday,

40% on Wednesday,

20% on Thursday, and

5% on Friday.

Help me to remember...

When I'm having a bad day and it seems that people are trying to wind me up, it takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only four to extend my arm and smack someone in the mouth!


.


 
The Honest Boss

(From Greta, our correspondent in Astoria.)

Haven't we all had bosses like this:

Click here:

http://www.hallmark.com/wcsstore/HallmarkStore/images/products/ecards/nfg1969.swf


.



Saturday, November 12, 2005

 
THE LEFT COAST REPORT


A Political Look at Hollywood

By James Hirsen

A NewsMax Report

Headlines (Click here for complete stories):

1. Janeane Garofalo's Cutting Cliches
2. Oscar Whispers
3. Yoko Ono's Paul McCartney Mea Culpa
4. The Left Forces Ouster of PBS Chairman
5. Judging 'Jarhead'


.




 
Progress

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.


Thanks to random pithy quotes at this place:

http://jiltanith.thefifthimperium.com/

I don't think the site has a name.


.


 
The Refdesk Site of the Day is:


News Archives

This site provides links to United States news archives available on the Web.

-----


 
New Parrot


(From Gene, our correspondent in Washington Heights.)

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted
a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said
$50.00.

"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should
tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of
prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the
bird anyway.

She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her
living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and
said, "New house, New madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but
then thought "that's really not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school
the bird saw and said,

"New house, new madam, new girls." The girls and
the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the
situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Keith."


.


 
WEIRD AL - EBAY SONG - VERY VERY FUNNY


(From Greta, our correspondent in Astoria.)


Go to this site:

http://tinafolsomphotography.com/ebay_song.html


then,

TURN UP YOUR VOLUME!!!


.



Friday, November 11, 2005
 
God Bless the Veterans


(From Gene, our correspondent in Washington Heights.)

It is the VETERAN, not the preacher,

who has given us freedom of religion.

It is the VETERAN, not the reporter,

who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the VETERAN, not the poet,

who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the VETERAN, not the campus organizer,

who has given us freedom to assemble.

It is the VETERAN, not the lawyer,

who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is the VETERAN, not the politician,

Who has given us the right to vote.



It is the VETERAN,

who salutes the Flag,

It is the veteran,

who serves under the Flag,


GOD BLESS ALL WHO ARE SERVING AND ALL THOSE WHO SERVED !!


 
Quote of the Week:

(Thanks to Veterans Advantage.)

Through their commitment to freedom, America 's veterans have lifted millions of lives and made our country and the world more secure. They have demonstrated to us that freedom is the mightiest force on Earth. We resolve that their sacrifices will always be remembered by a grateful Nation.

-- President George W. Bush


.


Thursday, November 10, 2005


 
No Fun Allowed!

In one of the United States founding documents is the phrase,"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness."

As PJ O'Rourke stated in one of his many books, this country was founded on the principle of having a good time.

Over in the comments section of No Pasaran! , I found the following:

http://www.haloscan.com/comments/nopasa/113128913822683074/#184116

No you're not allowed to laugh:

"Allah did not create man so that he could have fun. The aim of creation
was for mankind to be put to the test through hardship and prayer. An Islamic
regime must be serious in every field. There are no jokes in Islam. There is no
humor in Islam. There is no fun in Islam. There can be no fun and joy in
whatever is serious."

[quoted in Amir Taheri, The Spirit of Allah: Khomeini and the Islamic
Revolution, Adler & Adler, 1986, p.259]

Well, there appears to be some real irreconcilable differences between us and the Religion of Peace.


.


 
The Refdesk Sites of the Day are:

CIA: The World Factbook 2005

Country information has been updated as of April 21, 2005. Along with the new
entities and the regular information updates, The World Factbook now also
features six new fields. In the 'People' category, a major infectious diseases
field has been added for countries deemed to pose a higher degree of risk for
travelers. In the 'Economy' category, entries have been added for current
account balance, nvestment (gross fixed), ublic debt, and eserves of foreign
exchange and gold. The 'Transnational' issues category has a new refugees and
internally displaced persons entry.

-----

GovEngine.com

This site is dedicated to promoting e-Government initiatives and
interconnectivity between the federal, state and local levels of government with
the citizens. GovEngine's goal is to provide to the citizens of the United
States of America an educational awareness and broadened understanding of online
government accessibility and to emphasize the communication and cooperation
between all branches and levels of government with the public. Site contains
over 17,000 federal, state, and local governmental links.

-----


 
YOU MUST KNOW ABOUT *677

(From Greta, our correspondent in Astoria.)

I knew about the red light on cars, but not the *677. It was about 1:00p.m.
in the afternoon, and Lauren was driving to visit a friend. An
UNMARKED police car pulled up behind her and put his lights on. *Lauren's
parents have always told them never to pull over for an unmarked car on the
side of the road, but rather to wait until they get to a gas station, etc.

Lauren had actually listened to her parents advice, and promptly called *677
on her cell phone to tell the police dispatcher that she would not pull
over right away. She proceeded to tell the dispatcher that there was an
unmarked police car with a flashing red light on his rooftop behind her.
The dispatcher checked to see if there were police cars where she and there
weren't, and he told her to keep driving, remain calm and that he had back
up already on the way.

Ten minutes later 4 cop cars surrounded her and the unmarked car behind
her.

One policeman went to her side and the others surrounded the car behind.
They pulled the guy from the car and tackled him to the ground. The man was
a convicted rapist and wanted for other crimes.

I never knew about the *677 Cell Phone Feature, but especially for a woman
alone in a car, you should not pull over for an unmarked car. Apparently
police have to respect your right to keep going to a safe&quiet; place. You
obviously need to make some signals that you acknowledge them (i.e. put on
your hazard lights) or call *677 like Lauren did.

Too bad the cell phone companies don't generally give you this little bit
of wonderful information.

*Speaking to a service representative at **Bell** Mobility confirmed that
*677 was a direct link to State Police Dispatch. So, now it's your turn to
let your friends know about *677.

Send this to every person you know; it may save a life.


.



Sunday, November 06, 2005



 
Massachusetts Golfer in Ireland


(From Dan, our correspondent in the Commonwealth of Taxacusetts.)

A Massachusetts golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods.
Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big
bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him.

Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over
the little guy, reviving him.

"Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked. "Oh, I see. Well, ye got me
fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?"

"God, you're all right!" the golfer answers in relief. "I don't want
anything. I'm just glad you're okay, and I apologize. I really didn't mean
to hit you." And the golfer walks off.

"What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself. "But it was fair and
square that he got me, and I have to do something for him.
I'll give him the three things I would want - a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life."

A year goes by (as it does in stories like this) and the Massachusetts golfer is
back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.

"T'was me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy says. "I just
want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?"

"My game is fantastic!" the golfer answers. "In fact, that's the first bad
ball I've hit in a year! I'm an internationally famous golfer now."

He adds, "By the way, it's good to see you're all right."

"Oh, I'm fine now, thankee. I did that fer yer golf game, ya know. And tell
me, how's yer money situation?"

"Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer states. "I win fortunes in golf. If
I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills didn't even
know were there!"

"I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?"

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly,
"It's OK"

"C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to know if I did
good job. How many times a day?"

Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, "Once, sometimes
twice a week."

"What?!?!" responds the Leprechaun in shock. "That's all? Only once or
twice a week?!"

"Well," says the golfer, "I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in
a small parish."


.


 
Men vs Women

(From Greta, our correspondent in Astoria.)

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished
to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in
her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with
me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."


UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)


I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can
take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the
root, and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and
dislikes."
He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's
Pillsbury, isn't it?"

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl
notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of
string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for
your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the
store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )


WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee
each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we
don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top
of several pages, that it indeed .........."HEBREWS"


.



Saturday, November 05, 2005

 
THE LEFT COAST REPORT

A Political Look at Hollywood

By James Hirsen

A NewsMax Report

Headlines (Scroll down for complete stories):

1. ABC's Hillary Smash
2. Vampire Queen Anne Rice Finds Faith
3. Madonna Evangelist?
4. Susan Sarandon's Press Pointers
5. The King of Pop Joins the Sheik of Bahrain


.




 
The Refdesk Site of the Day is:


FirstGov for Kids

Welcome to the U.S. government interagency Kids' Portal. This site was developed
and is maintained by the Federal Citizen Information Center. It provides links
to Federal kids' sites along with some of the best kids' sites from other
organizations all grouped by subject. Explore, learn, have fun and don't forget
to add us to your favorites!

-----


 
Lost In Translation?

(From Greta, our correspondent in Astoria.)

To get the full effect, this should be read aloud.
You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by
the end of the conversation. This has been nominated
for the best email of 2005.

The following is a telephone exchange between a
hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia,
which was recorded and published in the Far East
Economic Review:

Room Service (RS): "Morrin. ; Roon sirbees."

Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."


RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor
sunteen??"

G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."

RS: "Ow July den?"

G: "What??"

RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"

G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry,
scrambled please."

RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

G: "What?"

RS:"An toes. July Sahn toes?"

G: "I don't think so."

RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know
what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow
Anglish moppin we bodder?"

G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying
'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be
fine."

! RS: "We bodder?"

G: "No...just put the bodder on the side."

RS: "Wad! ?"

G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

S: "Copy?"

G: "Excuse me?"

RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"

G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."

RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem,
Anglish moppin w bodder on sigh and copy....rye??"

G: "Whatever you say."

RS: "Tenjewberrymuds."

G : "You're very welcome."


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