The Pamphleteer

During colonial times in America, if you wanted to convince or inform people about some issue that you considered important, you went to the local printer and got some pamphlets printed. You then handed them out, read them to anybody that was interested, nailed them to the town bulletin board, or the nearest tree. The first amendment was specifically written to protect this type of activity and the writers or "pamphleteers".

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Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Father's Day Gift Selection Made Easy

(From Pamela, our correspondent in Bay Ridge.)

Since the Father's Day is fast approaching here are the do's and don't of gift buying. Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

Rule #1

When in doubt-buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have to many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2

If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey Tom, can I borrow your ratchet".
"OK. By the way, are you through with my 3/8 socket yet". Again, know one knows

Rule # 3

If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. If you are from a place that don't have much ice, then a good he-man bumper sticker will do just fine. No one knows why.

Rule # 5

You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones he has worn out. If you have a lot of money buy him a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips and flips and flips.

Rule #6

Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 25 years. A six pack of beer will do just fine.

Rule # 7

Do not buy any man an industrial size canisters of after shave or deodorant. A small
bottle of Old Spice and a small can of Right Guard will do just fine.

Rule #8

Buy men label markers. Almost as good as a cordless drill. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks, shorts, cups. Door, locks, sink. You get the picture. No one knows why

Rule # 9

Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will
ruin his special day and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #10

Good places to shop for men include Northwest iron works, A1 lumber, Lowe's, NAPA auto parts, Sears Clearance Centers, and sporting good stores are excellent men's stores.

Rule #11

Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook-but will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue grill with a 100 pound propane tank.

Rule #12

Tickets to a football game are a great gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to the Ballet. Everyone knows why.

Rule # 13

Men love chainsaws. Never, ever buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why, please refer to Rule # 8 and what happened when he got a label maker.

Rule # 14

It's hard to beat a real good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule # 15

Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origin, or at least the Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8 inch manila rope. No one knows why.