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Sunday, September 10, 2006
School Teacher Arrested!
(From Gene, our correspondent in Washington Heights.)
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later
discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested
trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler,
a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, the attorney general
said he believes the man is a member of the notorious
Al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with
carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," a Justice Department
spokesman said. "They desire average solutions by
means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents
in a search for absolute value. They use secret code
names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns',
but we have determined they belong to a common
denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in
every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles
used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush
said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of
math instruction, He would have given us more fingers