The Pamphleteer

During colonial times in America, if you wanted to convince or inform people about some issue that you considered important, you went to the local printer and got some pamphlets printed. You then handed them out, read them to anybody that was interested, nailed them to the town bulletin board, or the nearest tree. The first amendment was specifically written to protect this type of activity and the writers or "pamphleteers".

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Sunday, August 13, 2006
The New Alphabet

(From Pamela, our correspondent in Bay Ridge.)

A is for apple, and B is for boat,

That used to be right, but now it won't float!

Age before beauty is what we once said,

But let's be a bit more realistic instead.


A's for arthritis;

B's the bad back,

C is the chest pains, perhaps cardiac?

D is for dental decay and decline,

E is for eyesight--can't read that top line!

F is for fissures and water retention

G is for gas, which I'd rather not mention.
H is high blood pressure--I'd prefer low;

I for incisions with scars you can show.

J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,

K is for knees that crack when they bend.

L is lost hearing--now what did you say?

M is memory lapses occurring all day.

N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;

O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!

P for prescriptions, I have quite a few; Just give me a pill and I'll be
good as new!

Q is for queasy. Is it fatal or flu?

R is for reflux--one meal turns to two.
S for sleepless nights, counting my fears,

T for tinnitus; there are bells in my ears!

U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;

V is for vertigo--that's "dizzy," you know.

W is for worry. NOW what's going 'round?

X is for x-ray and what might be found.

Y is another year I'm left here behind,

Z is for zest that I still have--in my mind.

I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, and I've kept twenty-six
doctors fully employed.

We do not remember days but moments. Life moves too fast, so take the time
to enjoy every precious moment