The Pamphleteer

During colonial times in America, if you wanted to convince or inform people about some issue that you considered important, you went to the local printer and got some pamphlets printed. You then handed them out, read them to anybody that was interested, nailed them to the town bulletin board, or the nearest tree. The first amendment was specifically written to protect this type of activity and the writers or "pamphleteers".

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Saturday, June 17, 2006
 
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? (New Twist)


(From Pamela, our correspondent in Bay Ridge.)

DR. PHIL:

The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he
must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before
it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need
to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his
"CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.

OPRAH:

Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he
wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to
give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and
not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W BUSH:

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is
either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:

Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image
of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:

Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against
it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the
chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:

That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in
his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:

To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:

No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.

DR SEUSS:

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the
chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:

To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL:

Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth in
front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's
why they call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is
gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we
boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like
"the other side." That chicken should not be crossing the
road. It's as plain and simple as that!

GRANDPA:

In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody
told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its
life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON:

Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in
peace.

ARISTOTLE:

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES:

I have just released eChicken2006, which will not only cross roads,
but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform
is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^( C \ .... reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath
the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of
chicken?

AL GORE:

I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:

Did I miss one?

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the
other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming
"WOO HOO what a ride!"


.

posted by Patrick at Saturday, June 17, 2006

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