The Pamphleteer

During colonial times in America, if you wanted to convince or inform people about some issue that you considered important, you went to the local printer and got some pamphlets printed. You then handed them out, read them to anybody that was interested, nailed them to the town bulletin board, or the nearest tree. The first amendment was specifically written to protect this type of activity and the writers or "pamphleteers".

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Tuesday, July 19, 2005
 
Heaven -- and Health

(From Pamela, our correspondent in Bay Ridge.)

Sam and Edith were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years.

Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the pearly gates, and there an escort was waiting to show them inside.

He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. And their favorite clothes hanging in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now."

Sam asked how much all this was going to cost. "Why, nothing," their companion replied, "remember, this is your reward in Heaven."

Sam looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth. "What are the greens fees?" grumbled the old man. "This is heaven," the companion replied. "You can play for free, every day."

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages. "Don't even ask," said their companion to Sam. "This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy."

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at Edith. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?" he asked. "That's the best part," the companion replied. "You can eat and drink, as much as you like and whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!"

Sam pushed, "No gym to work out at?" "Not unless you want to," was the answer. "No testing my blood sugar, or blood pressure, or....?" "Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself."

Sam glared at Edith and said, "You and your bran muffins! We could have been here 15 years ago!"

--
Remember this motto to live by:
Life should NOT be a journey to
the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive
and well preserved body, but
rather to skid in sideways,
chocolate in one hand, wine in the
other, body thoroughly used up,
totally worn out and screaming
"WOO HOO what a ride!"

.